This one is inspired by a random tank (character meant to pull enemies and damage to him or herself, or ‘Tank’ damage) my buddy and I got paired with for a dungeon run in an MMO I am currently playing. The character’s name was Chad, but we like to refer to him as Chad the Tank (as in our new expression: when you Tank, don’t be a Chad!). Now, the name Chad the Tank just makes me chuckle to begin with (I’ll save my opinions on odd game name selection for another post maybe).
Chad would often seem reluctant to enter fights, and then after Chad did start fighting, he made very little effort to keep enemies focused on him. Often they would just run right past him and come right for that juicy Healer (what my buddy was at the time). In the last battle Chad ended up dying (the other player quit, which is extremely immature even if your team is not good), and my buddy ran around in circles while probably ten giants chased him while I attacked the boss (queue Benny Hill music). I play a ranged attacking class and I know I generally have it pretty easy. I pick targets and attack. Being a tank in an MMO can often be difficult to master, and some groups put all the blame on the tank if a mission fails. Now don’t misunderstand me, my short poem is still going to make fun of him. So, this one is for you Chad the Tank!
We met Chad the shy Tank in the Mines,
Whose mob pull expertise seldom shined,
When wild mobs our group fought,
The White Mage the fiends sought,
And the taunts* of poor Chad were declined.
*Taunts are used to get enemies to attack the Tank instead of other characters